i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
