he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
