Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I touched a dick in church today
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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