First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
