i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
