I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
