yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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