last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
