Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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