I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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