I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Your penis caused this!
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
