youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
