Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
