The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
