So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
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