Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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