im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize