I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Randomize
