Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
