you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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