Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
