I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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