if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize