we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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