I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize