Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
He? As in you personified your dick?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
