brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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