I'm going to jail i love you
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
