is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
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