I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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