; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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