So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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