It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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