all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
