I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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