so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
