I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
