dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
