I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Boobs speak an international language.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
