Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
