I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Found the puke drawer
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize