You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize