420 ftw
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize