why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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