it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I understand Curling. That high.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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