I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
