I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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