R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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