butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
i already hear my dad disowning me
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
