Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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