At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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