oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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