i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Randomize
