you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
