Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
