we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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