What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
