someone get that fucking seahorse.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
