i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
