This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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