she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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