The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
