i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
