plz talk dirty to me
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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