SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
