Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
