I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
