I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize