I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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