Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
