i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
