please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
where am i from again
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
