...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
You're a disaster
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