His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
