I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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