I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
