if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
