My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
