Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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