1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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