People in love make me want to vomit
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
soo... how was my night?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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