she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
