dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
