So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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