just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
