she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
