I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
