I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
