Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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