Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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