We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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