dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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