I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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